Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Lim Chae-yeon’s Past (1)

* * *

When Chae-yeon was young, her family was known for being harmonious.

This was mainly due to her mother’s exceptional love for her father, which hadn’t faded even after years of marriage. It was as if her mother was still in the honeymoon phase, her love unwavering.

“Chae-yeon, shall we call Daddy to see when he’ll be home?”

“Yes!”

As it neared her father’s usual time to come home, her mother would always call him. Watching her mother’s excitement as she dialed was one of Chae-yeon’s favorite things.

She, too, hoped to one day find someone who would make her heart flutter like that.

“Oh… It seems he’s busy again today. Alright, I’ll put Chae-yeon to bed first.”

Her mother, Kim Soo-yeon, let out a small sigh as she ended the call. Lately, her husband had been coming home late more often, saying he was busy with work.

“Is Daddy coming home late again?”

“Yes, sweetheart.”

“Aw… then I won’t get to see him tonight.”

At the time, Chae-yeon was only seven, so she was usually asleep by the time her father came home.

Soo-yeon patted her daughter’s head gently, whispering to her with affection.

“New Year’s is coming soon, so maybe we can ask Daddy to take us to an amusement park on his day off?”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’ll ask him as soon as he gets home. So, let’s get to bed now, alright?”

“Okay!”

It was a peaceful evening, just like any other. Soo-yeon managed to put her daughter to bed after she excitedly talked about everything she wanted to do at the amusement park.

“Sleep well, my dear.”

After kissing her daughter on the forehead, who was clutching her dolphin plushie, she quietly left the room.

***

Late at night.

Her husband returned home, reeking of alcohol. Even from a distance, Soo-yeon could smell the strong scent. Rushing over, she helped her husband, Lim Chang-seok, to his feet.

“I didn’t hear anything about a work gathering tonight. Was there something going on?”

Chang-seok didn’t respond.

Assuming he was simply exhausted, Soo-yeon helped him sit on the bed, then took off his jacket and hung it up.

Then, from behind her, she heard his low, heavy voice.

“Soo-yeon, I’ve been thinking…”

“What about?”

She paused while spraying air freshener on his clothes and turned to look at him. His gaze was filled with a mixture of reluctance and guilt.

After hesitating several times, he fidgeted with his briefcase and finally said,

“Let’s… end this.”

“What…? End what?”

His grave expression and resolute gaze were all she needed to understand. She dropped the spray bottle in shock. He was talking about a divorce.

“Did… did I do something wrong? If I did, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please, just tell me what the problem is.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Chang-seok ruffled his hair with his rough hand.

“It’s just… I’m a piece of trash, that’s why.”

“What are you talking about? Why would you say that?”

“I’m seeing another woman.”

Soo-yeon’s breath stopped, and a heavy silence filled the room. Her hand trembling, she bent down to pick up the spray bottle and let out a dry, bitter laugh.

“…Stop joking around. Why don’t you take a shower and go to bed? I’ll go draw a bath.”

But as she turned to leave, Chang-seok’s guilty voice stopped her in her tracks.

“It’s not a joke. It’s been over a year now. All the times I’ve been coming home late…”

“Enough! For heaven’s sake, Chae-yeon’s father, please don’t say any more.”

She switched to calling him “Chae-yeon’s father” to remind him of his role as the head of their family, hoping he’d come to his senses.

Chang-seok knew exactly why she called him that, but…

“All those late nights… I was with her.”

There was no stopping him; he had already resolved to leave and start a new life. Soo-yeon had given him numerous chances to return to his family, but he chose to prioritize the other woman.

“Why would you do this…? I love you more than anyone. You have a beautiful daughter in kindergarten. Why would you throw all that away?!”

Soo-yeon’s anguished cries reverberated throughout the house, her voice filled with raw despair, tearing at Chang-seok’s heart.

“I’m sorry…”

“I don’t want your apology. If you break it off with her now, I’ll pretend this never happened. Please, just come back to us.”

“…”

Chang-seok remained silent, averting his gaze. His silent response was clear—he couldn’t do as she asked. Unable to contain her emotions, Soo-yeon grabbed his shoulders.

“Who is this woman that you’d throw us away for? Is she more important to you than me and Chae-yeon? What do you expect us to do if you leave?”

“I’ll send child support every month.”

“That’s not the point! Right now, both Chae-yeon and I need your love the most… How could you do this to us…?”

Soo-yeon slowly sank to the floor, her sobs echoing in the room. Clutching his knees, she pleaded with a trembling voice.

“Am I not enough…? I can do better than her, I swear. I’ll do whatever you ask, so please… don’t leave us.”

Chang-seok looked up at the ceiling, feeling his chest tighten with guilt as he took in his wife’s pitiful appearance.

After a moment’s silence, he spoke in a somber tone.

“The new woman… she’s got flaws compared to you. She doesn’t compare to you in looks, in figure, or even in personality.”

“Then why…?!”

“Because I’m tired of you.”

Soo-yeon looked up at him, her tear-filled eyes darkening as the impact of his cruel words sank in.

“In the beginning, I loved you. Having a beautiful woman like you love me gave me confidence and made me feel alive. But…”

He dropped his gaze, his tone softening.

“As time went on, those feelings faded. Your devotion became something I took for granted. My heart stopped racing for you, and sometimes… I even found it burdensome.”

Her boundless love and dedication had made Soo-yeon too predictable in his eyes. She’d accommodated him in everything, and now he saw nothing new or exciting in her.

“Oh… oh…!”

Her wail of anguish filled the room once more, startling Chae-yeon awake. She quickly opened her bedroom door.

“Mom…?”

Her mother, who usually wore such a serene smile, was crumpled on the floor, hair disheveled, sobbing.

It was the first time Chae-yeon had seen her mother in such a state. The woman who always seemed so cheerful… What could have happened to her?

“Dad, did you fight with Mom…? Why?”

Not understanding the situation, Chae-yeon asked in a trembling voice, clutching her dolphin plushie tightly. Chang-seok looked down at his daughter, pity evident in his gaze.

And then…

“Chae-yeon, the thing is…”

He began to use his daughter to sever Soo-yeon’s grip on him once and for all.

“Shut up! Don’t you dare say another word to her!”

As he’d hoped, Soo-yeon, driven by her fierce maternal instinct, took the bait. For the first time, she felt hatred toward the man willing to destroy their family over another woman.

“Get out of this house. I never want to see you again…!”

With the sickening urge to throw him out, she forced him out of their home.

When this pattern continued for a while, Soo-yeon finally began the grueling process of filing for divorce, unable to endure it any longer.

***

With Chang-seok gone, Soo-yeon’s life became a blank slate, devoid of purpose or motivation. She lived simply to care for her daughter, forcing herself through each day.

Her once-loving gaze toward Chae-yeon became clouded and empty. She tore up photos of her ex-husband, only to tape them back together later out of lingering attachment.

Unable to control her growing bitterness, Soo-yeon began venting her resentment toward Chang-seok in front of Chae-yeon, planting seeds of doubt in her young mind.

“Chae-yeon, when you grow up and fall in love, never let him see your feelings.”

“Why…?”

Innocence filled Chae-yeon’s eyes, untainted by experience, still forming her own values.

Soo-yeon continued, hoping to prevent her beloved daughter from making the same mistakes she had.

“The moment you show your love, he’ll leave you. Look at me. Because I loved your dad so much, we ended up like this.”

Her mother’s voice was self-deprecating.

Confused by her mother’s bitter words, Chae-yeon shook her head.

She remembered her mom’s excitement whenever she planned something special for her dad, or when she called him with so much anticipation.

It was hard to believe that her mother—the woman she admired and wanted to be like—

could now deny all of that. But Soo-yeon’s words persisted.

“If I had loved your father less… or if I’d never shown my feelings, you and I could have lived with him forever. Isn’t that right?”

“No… no, it’s not true!”

Young Chae-yeon lacked the knowledge or experience to refute her mother’s claims. Living in the same house, she was subjected to her mother’s distorted perspective day after day.

‘This isn’t right… It can’t be.’

Even though she instinctively felt her mother’s words were wrong, the constant exposure to Soo-yeon’s experiences and her exhausted state began to wear down Chae-yeon’s resolve.

Her mother would praise her if she agreed, but would passionately “correct” her if she disagreed. Chae-yeon couldn’t help but give in, if only to maintain peace.

“Dad… Dad…”

But her father, the one person who could rescue her, was nowhere to be found.

With each memory of her father, who could have brought her mother back or prevented her from falling apart, her resentment toward him grew.

‘How could he…’

And thus, Chae-yeon’s beliefs began to take shape in a skewed, painful way.

***

By the time Chae-yeon reached sixth grade, Soo-yeon, who had been saving the child support payments from Chang-seok, started running out of funds.

‘I have to provide for Chae-yeon myself.’

For her beloved daughter’s sake, Soo-yeon quickly found a job and dutifully carried out her work.

Despite her weakened state from living as a recluse, her beauty was still striking, and her male coworkers frequently tried to confess their feelings to her.

“I’m sorry. I’m not interested in dating.”

To Soo-yeon, who had once been scarred by a man, these confessions from others were revolting.

To her, men were dangerous—like weapons, always ready to hurt her.

After rejecting the persistent ones firmly, she focused on maintaining good relationships with her female colleagues.

And so, as she adjusted to her career and began earning some recognition at work, she was once again approached.

“Would you please consider dating me?”

A man from another department confessed to her. Given her reputation as the “iron fortress” of the office, such a direct approach hadn’t happened in quite some time.

But, as expected, she turned him down harshly. She walked away, leaving the man, Jung Dong-hoon, in disappointment.

I don’t need a man.

All she needed was her daughter. Soo-yeon vowed to remain single, to never let herself be hurt by a man again.

But that resolve began to waver because of one man.

“Here, Soo-yeon, have something to drink while you work.”

The reason was none other than the same man who had confessed to her. Jung Dong-hoon’s affection hadn’t faded, even after several years. No matter how strongly Soo-yeon rejected him, he remained kind and persistent.

Why does he keep…?

With his warm and steady presence, Soo-yeon’s defenses slowly softened. They started eating together occasionally, and she found herself drawn to his gentle nature.

Dong-hoon…

Soo-yeon eventually realized she had feelings for him. She found herself thinking about him more often, and before she knew it, she was watching him as he had always watched her.

I swore I’d never love anyone again.

She felt frustrated by her own heart, which refused to listen. She didn’t want to endure that kind of pain again, so why was she feeling this way?

While Soo-yeon wrestled with these emotions, Dong-hoon continued to express his feelings. When he sensed that she had opened up to him, he proposed without hesitation, offering her a ring.

“I’ll devote my life to you. Please, will you marry me?”

“You know I’ve been divorced. And I have a daughter who’s in middle school now…”

“I know. If it means being with you, I’ll accept it all.”

What was it about her that he loved so much? She was a divorcée—a used woman, some might say—yet Dong-hoon loved her all the same.

Her head swam, and she swayed slightly, holding her head and letting out a small sigh.

“Please… give me some time to think.”

Marriage… She couldn’t keep something like this from her daughter.

After thinking it over, she shared her honest feelings with Chae-yeon and asked for her thoughts.

“It’s wonderful that Mom has found someone so good… I’ll be fine, so do whatever makes you happy.”

“But Chae-yeon…”

“Mom, you’ve worked so hard to take care of me. Now it’s time for you to find your own happiness. Okay?”

Encouraged by her daughter’s support, Soo-yeon agreed to marry him.

***

Chae-yeon expected that her mother would regain her former bright and loving self after remarrying.

She thought her mom, who had quit her job to focus on being a homemaker, would be eagerly calling her husband at the end of the day, just like before.

“Honey, I’m home~”

“Oh, you’re here. I set the table, so help yourself.”

But, unexpectedly, Soo-yeon showed no signs of affection toward her new husband.

Far from being warm, she was cold and distant.

She fulfilled her duties strictly as a wife and homemaker, nothing more. She received Dong-hoon’s love quietly, never truly reciprocating it.

Never reveal your true feelings.

Once was enough to be abandoned by a man she loved.

She wished she could return her husband’s kisses with the same affection. But every time she thought of doing so, she feared hearing the same words her ex-husband had said.

I have to keep my feelings hidden, always.

Afraid that he’d discover her love if she treated him with any warmth, Soo-yeon wrapped her affection in thorns, acting distant so Dong-hoon would never see her true feelings.

Mom…

Chae-yeon understood that her mother’s approach was flawed, but she also knew where it stemmed from, so she didn’t say anything.

And yet…

“Sorry, honey. I’ll try harder from now on.”

Despite her mother’s coldness, Dong-hoon’s enduring kindness kept the family peaceful.

Sometimes, seeing this, Chae-yeon would feel her mother’s way of handling things was right. She would even convince herself that their family had somehow returned to the way it had been before the divorce.

But this illusion shattered when Chae-yeon was in her second year of high school.

“Why can’t you just say it? How hard can it be to say ‘I love you’ even once?!”

In a drunken state, Dong-hoon finally unleashed his pent-up frustration.

After three years of marriage, he had believed that if he continued to love her, she would eventually warm to him. But Soo-yeon’s continued distance left him feeling desperate.

“I know you were hurt by your ex-husband. But by now, can’t you finally open up to me…?”

Soo-yeon’s breathing grew shallow at his plea. He wanted her to open up, to say she loved him.

His request directly triggered her trauma, making her chest feel as though it would burst.

Please don’t do this…

If she opened her heart and was abandoned again, she would have no chance of recovering this time. She would be left a true wreck, unable even to return to work.

How could she risk losing this precious harmony they had built over a single choice?

“I think you’re too drunk. Go get some rest.”

Lowering her gaze, Soo-yeon tried to excuse herself, but Dong-hoon grabbed her wrist.

“Chae-yeon’s mother, please… just once, tell me you love me.”

“Stop it! I already gave you the marriage you wanted, didn’t I? What more do you want?”

“Because it’s hard for me… I don’t know if you truly love me. I need to be sure…”

Tears threatened to spill from Soo-yeon’s eyes.

Seeing him in this much pain… maybe I should let my true feelings show, just this once.

Her hand shook as she clenched her fists. She wanted to embrace him, to comfort him, and show him her love.

“I… I…”

Yes, it was time to let it all go, to be honest with herself. Perhaps her ex-husband, Chang-seok, had simply been exceptionally cruel.

Soo-yeon reached out, gently stroking her husband’s bowed head, ready to finally express the love she had hidden for so long.

“I… I love y—”

But suddenly, memories flooded her mind of her descent after the divorce—the desperate longing for her ex-husband, the ugly, broken version of herself that she’d shown to her daughter. These memories held her back.

“I lo…”

Her mouth opened, her voice almost came out… but she couldn’t say the words. Every time she tried, her chest tightened, her breath escaped her, and her mind began to blur.

“Honey…?”

He noticed her trembling and the beads of cold sweat on her forehead. Concerned, Dong-hoon reached out to touch her cheek.

Smack.

Soo-yeon slapped his hand away, covering her eyes and turning her back to him. In a forced, cold tone, she spoke.

“If you don’t like it, we can get a divorce. Just say the word, and I’ll do it.”

She knew Dong-hoon loved her too much to take that option.

True to her expectation, Dong-hoon apologized, saying he would never bring it up again before leaving the house for some air. Left alone, Soo-yeon staggered to her room, nearly collapsing from the emotional strain.

***

After their argument ended, Chae-yeon, who had overheard everything from her room, went to her mother as soon as she heard her father leave.

Creak.

The room felt heavy, and Soo-yeon lay under the blankets, her body trembling beneath them.

Seeing her mother’s pain, Chae-yeon spoke in a sad voice.

“Mom, please stop… You know stepdad wouldn’t leave you even if you showed your true feelings. So…”

“For years now, I’ve maintained this family without showing my feelings. Your stepdad gives his love, and I receive it. If I let myself fully accept his love, it might all fall apart.”

Her mother’s flawed reasoning echoed through her tears. Watching her mother’s pitiful state, Chae-yeon looked on with a sorrowful gaze.

Soo-yeon continued, her voice trembling.

“Chae-yeon, someday, when you have someone you love, you’ll understand. There’s nothing more terrifying than being abandoned by someone you’d devote your whole life to.”

With that, their brief conversation ended. But Soo-yeon’s heartfelt words took root deep in Chae-yeon’s heart.

One day, when Chae-yeon was a college student,

“If it’s okay with you… would you go out with me?”

She met her first love: Kim Si-hyun.

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